MyITLife

Anger Flaring up like a volcano Spreading flames like a bushfire How things have changed From when we first met Time, Place, Circumstances All the sweet talk Engulfed by anger Who is this person We hardly know each other Momentarily the mind travels back What did I love about this person Can we go back there Can we forget about now Go back to the past Is he thinking the same thing? How much he has changed Can I forgive him for this pain ? Can I ? Is it me who has changed? My opinion about him My circumstances My outlook in life Maybe he hasn't changed at all Can I ? Can I forgive myself ? For hating him Can I love the me Hating him To love him again

  I love the rain A monk told me recently I do too I said but not when it is drizzling all day like now Oh I love that too she said Oh it is a hassle for me when I have to dry clothes for school and work  I used to love the rain when I was small Specially when we had to go to school That was the best day in school Harder the rain the more determined we were to go to school School buses were late Teachers didnt turn up  Classrooms were flooded Water puddles everywhere We would build paper boats and race Trying to find the biggest puddle Who could make the biggest boat Whose would stay upright the longest We get a free play date with all our friends  But dont you have a covered area to dry your clothes She persisted I then realised I was looking for an excuse,  Simple pleasures in life forgotten As we get caught up in everyday life When did we stop caring About the little things That bring immense joy Fond memories of our carefree childhood How I wish I could go t...

  1 What? 2 Excuse me? 3 Are you serious? 4 What was that really? 5 What is wrong with you? 6 I can’t believe you said that? 7 How could you say something like that? 8 Do I look like I am dead now? 9 Are you saying that I look like a ghost? 10 How do you think that is making me feel now? 11 How can you live with yourself after saying that to me? 11 What made you actually say something like that to me? 10 Were you thinking of me or were you being insightful? 9 What if I really did remind him of death? 8 Is that a good thing or bad thing? 7 Maybe I was helping him some way? 6 To look at his life differently? 5 To be open to death 4 Maybe to look ahead 3 Be prepared now 2 To face 1 It NB Someone actually said this to me, seeing me after treatment. 

  What does it mean t o be alert and relaxed? It  seems to be, t he obvious paradox When you are alert,  y ou are always waiting For something to happen, that you are wanting How can you relax w hen your heart is raising Waiting for something that could be amazing And then again y ou can really be alert When you are playing with a child or crossing a street    But are you relaxed i n any of those places? Far from it  if you think of those spaces You could only be both when you have inner peace When your mind is relaxed a nd your body is at ease !  

Biggest question on my mind. Have to take it slow for the first three weeks as usual since as far as the body is concerned it was just another dose. Only the mind knows that it was the last one. But it is hard doing that. There are so many things that I want to do now that the doses are over. Nurses and doctors at the clinic say take it slowly. There are follow up tests to be done. A CT that will compare pre op to now. And bloods. Also a scan on my wrist where on session 5 the needle dislodged and the dose leaked a bit into the skin. There was a special regiment to follow for it. But the body has to heal in its cool time. So they have to do a scan on the wrist to see if it is healing properly.  Other than that the symptoms have been usual. Nothing major or different. 2 weeks on the taste is slowly coming back but occasionally there would be a taste in the mouth that I cannot even identify. And that would not be at a time that I am eating anything even. It is some random time in the...

  With each later cycles, the symptoms after the session has changed. I am not sure if it is the body that has got used to it or me, but I have begin to understand when a change in the body occurs what it might lead to and what to do about it. It seems like a big deal, but mostly it is just not getting overwhelmed by it. One of the new symptoms that started with session 3 was the inability to process multiple thoughts or conversations. For example if my husband said, "Could you boil some water to make some tea and we can have some biscuits as snacks" That simple statement with three actions in it was too much to handle. I couldn't process it and would get confused. I had to ask him to break it down into  to 3 separate statements and repeat slowly one after the other.  Another thing was dizziness. If I bend to pick up something, I felt like the world was spinning around and I had to quickly sit down so as not to fall.  Another was reflux. I had to go to the doctor was...

Have you ever wondered If your body and mind Are friends or foes? Do they support each other? Or are they against each other? When you are reaching for that  Extra piece of cake, or pastry, or chip Does your mind cheer it on? When you need to get up and go  To e xercise, walk or gym, Does your mind hold you back? Little voices in your head going Too tired, not today, later, tomorrow Only one more piece  It's not every day ... Spirituality dictates  Mind is the fore runner for everything But when it is decision time  Why would it su pport some  and not others? Maybe the mind and body  Are actually i n this together Working as one Against l ittle old ME !